Can I Have an Epiphany with that Apple Fritter?

Sex addiction has been in the news so much lately that one can’t ignore it. As the long-time primary caregiver for three products of sexual activity, I’ve had a hard time understanding how anyone could be addicted to sex. Shopping for outrageously expensive shoes – that’s something I could get addicted to. Food addiction, especially to those lovely apple fritters at Starbuck’s, I understand. Alcohol addiction even makes sense to me when my teenager shows me the rash on her abdomen that is an allergic reaction to her fourth attempt at a navel piercing. And don’t get me wrong: I like sex, well, a lot.

But sex addiction?

The definition of sex addiction, according to the experts, is a preoccupation with sex that causes problems in a person’s life.

Take, for instance, the three men arrested this week in Gwinnett County, Georgia, for soliciting sex in a K-Mart bathroom.

The blue-light special they got wasn’t quite the one they’d been hoping for. I may not be an expert on sex addiction, but because the only thing that could lure me into a K-Mart bathroom would involve some serious intestinal parasites, I’m thinking that sex is definitely causing some problems for those old boys.

And then there’s the Forest Park, Georgia, teenager who spent a night in jail last week for sending a picture of his wanker to his girlfriend from his cell phone. Apparently, his was special, not at all like the millions of other ones out there, because she forwarded it to a few friends and teachers. That got the attention of the county solicitor, a woman who must not have a sense of humor, because even though he sent it as a "joke," he ended up in jail and on the evening news.

I don’t think this kid is a sex addict, though. It sounds to me like he may have learned his lesson after only one night in jail. Here’s what he said about his ordeal: “Once you hear that [jail] door close, and you’re laying on that bed thinking about it, you like, ‘Wow. I know I did something wrong, and then your conscience kick in, saying, ‘You know you did wrong.’”

He concluded by saying, “I think lots of people have epiphanies when they in jail.”

They also have STDs and a taste for teenage boys. If all he came out of jail with is an epiphany, he’s a lucky kid.

Personally, I’m going to stick with my fritter fetish and hope my conscience always kicks in and my epiphanies come before I hear a jail door close.