Well-Heeled Pack Mule with a Bad Attitude

I’m pretty sure all 10,000 incoming freshman at NYU were in the Bed, Bath, and Beyond (aka Bed, Bath, and Behind) on Sixth Avenue in Manhattan yesterday afternoon.

Well, all 10,000 except for Morgan. I was there in her place because she was with her Nana at the NYU bookstore buying her first semester books.

I’ll go ahead and admit right now that I was not happy about being there, because the day before, we’d been in the same store, and it cost me $700 that time. And I was happy to get out of the place having secured her towels, comforter, sheets, desk lamp, and, amazingly, two bottle openers for that price.

Why was I happy to only spend $700? Because all week, Morgan had been hinting that she needed Frette linens and an Ed Hardy comforter.

Frette, aside from the fact their sheets cost in the thousands, is on the upper east side on Madison Avenue.

Ed Hardy is in the Meatpacking District.

In other words, the child believes her mother and grandmother are well-heeled pack mules sporting no-limit credit cards.

After the smackdown in which I explained that we were NOT going to cover all of Manhattan in an effort to make hers the most expensively furnished dorm room at NYU, she miraculously found an Ed Hardy duvet cover at the Bed, Bath, and Behind. It was on sale for $250. And then she found a $700 goose down duvet to go inside the cover.

Another smackdown ensued, and she settled for a $200 goose down duvet that wasn’t nearly as fluffy. Boofuckinghoo.

So the next day, I was beyond miffed when Nana sent me back for a mattress pad, shelving, under-bed storage, scissors, and trash bags. I got a cab and made my way to the store. I fought my way through all 10,000 shoppers and secured the necessary items. And then I had the brilliant thought that went something like Shit. How am I supposed to carry a bulky mattress pad, a big-ass under-the-bed plastic storage box, and a heavy box containing a wire 2-shelf storage unit requiring assembly all by myself?

I did it by ditching the storage stuff. There were six big cardboard boxes destined for the dumpster in that dorm room. She can store her damn stuff in those boxes. I paid for the remaining items and made my way back to NYU. And that’s when Nana called to tell me that Morgan’s books were too heavy for the two of them to carry. I needed to drop my things off at the dorm and then hoof it to the bookstore to help them carry three bags of books.

I obeyed. When I got there, I looked in the bags to see what books were required for Morgan’s first semester of college at NYU.

And that’s when outfitting my girl for college got really exciting for me. Those three big bags of books, to my mind, are my kid’s future, the path to being able to one day buy for herself all the Frette linens her little heart desires. They weren't heavy at all.