Combatting Assholiness

Dear Anonymous:

Thank you for your comment regarding Tiger Woods' apology. Obviously, you think you know me. You know I graduated from a Christian school, so I’m assuming you’ve known me for a long time, at least since I was in high school.

Here are the words you use to describe me: sad, bitter, unattractive, pathetic, and rebellious. Oh, and I need to grow up. Apparently, you think my behavior is much like that of a defiant and disobedient teenager.

I can’t argue with your opinion of me.

But you're not terribly familiar with me, because you’ve also written, “You have a hope of a beach house and the hope of finding someone who will love you now.”

I already have the beach house. It’s fabulous.

And I have someone who loves me. That, too, is fabulous.

My lover does not find me unattractive. In fact, my lover finds my bad attitude quite hilarious. My lover loves my humor and understands that without it, I’d be the sad, bitter, and pathetic person you believe me to be. As my friend Grant (aka Sister Louisa) says, “Humor is God’s lubrication when life screws you.”

My lover knows that I am grateful for everything I’ve experienced. Because if my husband had never left me, I might have never met my lover.

My lover believes I should tell the stories I tell. Because in the past, back when I was the grown up, buttoned up, perfect model of a great attitude you say I should be, I was afraid for anyone to know the truth of what a wreck my life was. What people saw wasn't me. It was what I believed I should be based on what people told me I should be -- straight from the Bible what I “should” be.

Here’s the deal: stop shoulding on me. You’re right when you say that bitter is unattractive. But inauthentic is more unattractive; it’s actually just chocolate-covered shit.

God and my lover want me to be me, to tell the truth, to laugh, and to be happy. Trying to be what I think people expect of me doesn’t work for me. Taking care of myself does. That’s the kind of positive model I hope to be, the model for simply being myself.

The lover I’ve found, by the way, is me. And I’m a happy girl.

Hugs and kisses,

Sandi Grace Adams Hutcheson, who is not afraid to be who I am.

Oh, and one more thing: you might feel better in the long road if you have a little nip of the “recipe” every now and then. Getting laid might not be a bad idea, either.